adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
