Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
