you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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