I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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