I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
