6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
