Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
