Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
