thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
