i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
