I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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