No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Congratulations! We have a period
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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