Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
