There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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