i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
50% drunk capacity currently
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize