Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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