okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
