I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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