Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
