Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
