Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
