mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There are leaves in my underwear?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
