I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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