Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
