Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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