you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
