New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
