I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
