Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
