1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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