We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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