Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
