Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
