Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
