Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she peed on how many people?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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