my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
