If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just found puke in my bra..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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