i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
