If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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