Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
