Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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