Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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