whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
