He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
