Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
