Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
