so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
