She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I love you.
Bad choice
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
