you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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