It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
