No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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