Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
where am i from again
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
