Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
