I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize