I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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