Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She bit a glass in half.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
