Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
how do you play pong handcuffed?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
