i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
