Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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