It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
