so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
sex in a hospital.. check
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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