i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
