You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Text me some of your sweat
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