I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
