Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize